Morgan Park
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is about a lad named Henry and his small role in kicking Sigismund of Luxembourg out of Bohemia in the name of the imprisoned King Wenceslas I. Henry and his newfound pals conspire, heist, assassinate, and sabotage to loosen the usurper’s grip on the economic stronghold of Kuttenberg, but what they never try is barging straight in the front door.
Just take the damn city! It can’t be that hard. I say around 20, 40 men tops could do the job. In fact, if the story quests won’t do it, I will.
Step 1: Raise an army
Surprisingly, this is the easy part. KCD2, for all its freedoms, does not natively allow Henry to roam Bohemia with a warband, so the mod “Companion Squad” from Steam user Triget will be the engine powering this righteous campaign.
With just two keystrokes, my army began to take shape in front of me: 10, 20, 30 mercenaries with unique names and faces stood at attention, ready to attack at my command. The gates of Kuttenberg stood before us—doors wide open—its treasonous protectors oblivious to our plans.
Step 2: Call in favors
A “Heroes” section of the spawn menu caught my eye. With a few more clicks, I’d called up all of Henry’s friends (and enemies) for a quick favor, including Hans Capon, the entire Jan Zizka crew, Godwin, Erik, Istvan Toth, and even Radzig and Hanush made the trip from Rattay.
With a strained framerate, my army was 43 strong. Time to take back Kuttenberg—for King Wenceslas!
Step 3: I have no pants
As I entered photo mode to witness the might of my army, I realized I’ve been pantless the whole time. This is the first time I’ve loaded this particular save on my newer PC, and somehow Henry’s padded hose did not make the transition. They are not in my inventory and no longer seem to exist. At least I still have my mens’ respect.
Step 4: Charge!
The guard who searches everyone entering the city didn’t take kindly to my unsheathed sword. We exchanged a few blows before my warband formed into a bloodthirsty mob that I will henceforth call the “murder clump” and killed the guy in about two seconds. Another guard started a 1v1 with me and the murder clump ate him too.
It turned out the army was set to “defend” me, so they only raised arms when I was in an active fight. This isn’t what I had in mind for a grand coup, so I pressed F6 to switch their attack pattern to something more offensive.
Step 5: Overwhelm
Finally, the murder clump branched out and started attacking guards without my direct input. Kuttenberg’s finest simply did not stand a chance. With no time to prepare a proper defense and word traveling slowly throughout the town, the small squads of guards responding to the commotion were immediately overwhelmed by a blob of plate armor and sharpened steel. Once the eastern entrance was clear of law enforcement, I joined the clump and charged down the streets in the direction of city hall.
Then we passed by an inn, and I watched in horror as half of the murder clump broke off to ransack the peaceful business. This is when I realized that the army was set to “Bandit mode.”
Step 6: Accidentally become the bad guys
The murder clump attacked everything that moved. Nobles, innkeepers, silver miners, musicians, and yes, all the guards too. Other than their tendency to get stuck in doorways, they worked with ruthless efficiency, turning a military coup into the sort of scorched-earth ransacking that upended Henry’s life in the first KCD. I tried to switch between “attack” and “defend” mode to spare lives where possible, but the army had spread out into smaller murder clumps, and they didn’t always listen to my commands.
This isn’t how I wanted to take Kuttenberg, but it did speed the whole thing up a great deal. It took less than 20 minutes for the city to basically run out of guards, other than the ones who fled.
Step 7: Apologize to God, or something
By nightfall, the streets were bloody and quiet. I’d lost seven soldiers of my own, Hans and Zizka were super dead, and I had a foot in the grave, too, thanks to guards targeting my bare legs. We stormed city hall and found a series of empty rooms. Sigismund had presumably turned tail when he saw our numbers—the coward!
I entered a room with a little shrine and let Henry say a prayer. A quick apology for all of the senseless murder should do the trick.
Step 8: Take office
In the next room was an important-looking office with a big desk. I took my seat in a fancy chair and crowned myself king, mayor, or whatever, of Kuttenberg.
Job done, but I can’t say I recommend this strategy: I have completely messed up my save by killing countless quest givers, and every town in the region wants me to hang for my crimes. But hey, it was a lot faster than finishing the main story.
